How we cheated flames of deathAs much as pictures tell their thousand words, personal accounts like this one allows us to understand.
Gary Hughes | February 09, 2009THEY warn you it comes fast. But the word "fast" doesn't come anywhere near describing it.
It comes at you like a runaway train. One minute you are preparing. The next you are fighting for your home. Then you are fighting for your life.
But it is not minutes that come between. It's more like seconds. The firestorm moves faster than you can think, let alone react.
For 25 years, we had lived on our hilltop in St Andrews, in the hills northeast of Melbourne.
You prepare like they tell you every summer.
You clear. You slash. You prime your fire pump. For 25 years, fires were something that you watched in the distance.
Until Saturday.
We had been watching the massive plume of smoke from the fire near Kilmore all afternoon; secure in the knowledge it was too far away to pose a danger.
Then suddenly there is smoke and flames across the valley, about a kilometre to the northwest, being driven towards you by the wind. Not too bad, you think.
I rush around the side of the house to start the petrol-powered fire pump to begin spraying the house, just in case.
When I get there, I suddenly see flames rushing towards the house from the west. The tongues of flame are in our front paddock, racing up the hill towards us across grass stubble I thought safe because it had been slashed.
In the seconds it takes me to register the flames, they are into a small stand of trees 50m from the house. Heat and embers drive at me like an open blast furnace. I run to shelter inside, like they tell you, until the fire front passes.
Inside are my wife, a 13-year-old girl we care for, and a menagerie of animals "rescued" over the year by our veterinary-student daughter.
They call it "ember attack". Those words don't do it justice.
It is a fiery hailstorm from hell driving relentlessly at you. The wind and driving embers explore, like claws of a predator, every tiny gap in the house. Embers are blowing through the cracks around the closed doors and windows.
We frantically wipe at them with wet towels. We are fighting for all we own. We still have hope.
The house begins to fill with smoke. The smoke alarms start to scream. The smoke gets thicker.
I go outside to see if the fire front has passed. One of our two cars under a carport is burning. I rush inside to get keys for the second and reverse it out into an open area in front of the house to save it.
That simple act will save our lives. I rush back around the side of the house, where plastic plant pots are in flames. I turn on a garden hose. Nothing comes out.
I look back along its length and see where the flames have melted it. I try to pick up one of the carefully positioned plastic buckets of water I've left around the house. Its metal handle pulls away from the melted sides.
I rush back inside the house. The smoke is much thicker. I see flames behind the louvres of a door into a storage room, off the kitchen. I open the door and there is a fire burning fiercely.
I realise the house is gone. We are now fighting for our lives.
We retreat to the last room in the house, at the end of the building furthest from where the firestorm hit. We slam the door, shutting the room off from the rest of the house. The room is quickly filling with smoke. It's black, toxic smoke, different from the superheated smoke outside.
We start coughing and gasping for air. Life is rapidly beginning to narrow to a grim, but inevitable choice. Die from the toxic smoke inside. Die from the firestorm outside.
The room we are in has french doors opening on to the front veranda. Somewhere out of the chaos of thoughts surfaces recent media bushfire training I had done with the CFA. When there's nothing else, a car might save you.
I run the 30 or 40 steps to the car through the blast furnace. I wrench open the door to start the engine and turn on the airconditioning, as the CFA tells you, before going back for the others.
The key isn't in the ignition. Where in hell did I put it? I rush back to the house. By now the black, toxic smoke is so thick I can barely see the others. Everyone is coughing. Gasping. Choking. My wife is calling for one of our two small dogs, the gentle, loyal Gizmo, who has fled in terror.
I grope in my wife's handbag for her set of car keys. The smoke is so thick I can't see far enough to look into the bag. I find them by touch, thanks to a plastic spider key chain our daughter gave her as a joke. Our lives are saved by a plastic spider. I tell my wife time has run out. We have to get to the car. The choices have narrowed to just one option, just one slim chance to live.
Clutching the second of our two small dogs, we run to the car. I feel the radiant heat burning the back of my hand. The CFA training comes back again. Radiant heat kills.
The three of us are inside the car. I turn the key. It starts. We turn on the airconditioning and I reverse a little further away from the burning building. The flames are wrapped around the full fuel tank of the other car and I worry about it exploding.
We watch our home - our lives, everything we own - blazing fiercely just metres away. The heat builds. We try to drive down our driveway, but fallen branches block the way. I reverse back towards the house, but my wife warns me about sheets of red-hot roofing metal blowing towards us.
I drive back down, pushing the car through the branches. Further down the 400m drive, the flames have passed. But at the bottom, trees are burning.
We sit in the open, motor running and airconditioner turned on full. Behind us our home is aflame. We calmly watch from our hilltop, trapped in the sanctuary of our car, as first the house of one neighbour, then another, then another goes up in flames. One takes an agonisingly slow time to go, as the flames take a tenuous grip at one end and work their way slowly along the roof. Another at the bottom of our hill, more than a 100 years old and made of imported North American timber, explodes quickly in a plume of dark smoke.
All the while the car is being buffeted and battered by gale-force winds and bombarded by a hail of blackened material. It sounds like rocks hitting the car.
The house of our nearest neighbour, David, who owns a vineyard, has so far escaped. But a portable office attached to one wall is billowing smoke.
I leave the safety of the car and cross the fence. Where is the CFA, he frantically asks. With the CFA's help, perhaps he can save his house. What's their number, he asks me. I tell him we had already rung 000, before our own house burnt. Too many fires. Too few tankers. I leave him to his torment. I walk back towards our own house in a forlorn hope that by some miracle our missing dog may have survived in some unburned corner of the building.
Our home, everything we were, is a burning, twisted, blackened jumble. Our missing dog, Gizmo, Bobby our grumpy cockatoo, Zena the rescued galah that spoke Greek and imitated my whistle to call the dogs, our free-flying budgie nicknamed Lucky because he escaped a previous bushfire, are all gone. Killed in theinferno that almost claimed us as well.
I return to the car and spot the flashing lights of a CFA tanker through the blackened trees across the road. We drive down the freeway, I pull clear more fallen branches and we reach the main road. I walk across the road to the tanker and tell them if they are quick they might help David save his house. I still don't know if they did. We stop at a police checkpoint down the hill. They ask us where we've come from and what's happening up the road. I tell them there's no longer anything up the road.
We stop at the local CFA station in St Andrews. Two figures sit hunched in chairs, covered by wet towels for their serious burns. More neighbours. We hear that an old friend, two properties from us, is missing. A nurse wraps wet towels around superficial burns on my wife's leg and my hand.
We drive to my brother's house, which fate had spared, on the other side of St Andrews.
The thought occurs to me, where do you start when you've lost everything, even a way to identify yourself. Then I realise, of course, it doesn't matter. We escaped with our lives. Just. So many others didn't.
Gary Hughes is a senior writer for The Australian
10 February 2009
cheating the flames of death
09 February 2009
hell on earth
Photograph: Andrew Brownbill/EPA
Some words that have been used to describe the worst fires in Australian history.
- hell on earth
- holocaust
- inferno
- blackest time
- hell in all its fury
- Armageddon
- devastation
I have no words.
You can help by making a donation to the Australian Red Cross Victorian Bushfire Appeal. I had trouble making donations on the website today, but thankfully employees in my agency are able to directly deduct from our salaries.
08 February 2009
canine social networking?
How social networking has gone to the dogs
Annie Lawson
February 8, 2009
Britt Smith, with her Tibetan terrier, Bear, launched dogtree for dog owners seeking companionship for their pooches. Photo: Craig Sillitoe
"LOVING, outgoing but clingy Alsatian in need of an affectionate playmate for a lazy afternoon of slobbering, sniffing and digging."
"Needy, obsessive schnauzer with an outgoing personality seeks like-minded, companionable canine."
It sounds a bit like an online dating website for love-starved pooches. In fact, dogtree is a new social networking site for lonely dogs who fret during those long weekdays when their owners are at work.
With nothing to do and no one to play with, destroying the garden, ripping the washing off the line, relentlessly barking and eating an expensive pair of shoes are common ways for attention-seeking hounds to kill time.
Inspired by the success of Facebook, Britt Smith — who is a casual journalist with The Age online — founded the non-profit website after she placed a classified advertisement in a local newspaper to find a companion for Bear, her three-year-old Tibetan terrier.
"I got 20 phone calls and that's when I realised there needed to be a service offered to help dog owners," she said.
She found Stella, an anxious fox terrier who kept Bear company two days a week. When she moved house from Geelong to Kensington last year, Smith was quick to find another companion for Bear — this time, Sophie, a Maltese cross.
Bear was inconsolable on the days he was alone. "Usually I have to carry him outside and he scratches at the back door to get in, staring at me with sad eyes," Smith said.
"I was concerned that he was upset and bored throughout the day; being at home all that time is like solitary confinement."
She considered placing him in dog day care until she found out it costs between $30 and $60 a day.
The dogtree website was launched last week with 88 members. Owners post a picture of their dog and fill in a profile with breed type, age, size, vaccination history, personality and postcode.
Kane doesn't need to join a networking website, he has plenty of canine friends.
07 February 2009
football... soon
Yesterday, there was a barbecue (sausage sizzle) at the training session in Brisbane. A free barbecue put on by the club.
05 February 2009
Australia's YouTube queen
How Natalie became Australia's queen of YouTube
Oz YouTube queen Natalie Tran
Natalie Tran, 22, is the most subscribed YouTube user in Australia and ranks 37th in the world. Watch one of her videos.
Asher MosesFebruary 4, 2009 - 12:47PM
From her parents' home in western Sydney, Natalie Tran, Australia's queen of YouTube, has proven time and again that titillation is not a prerequisite to internet fame.With more than 150,000 subscribers to her YouTube channel, Tran, 22, is easily the most subscribed YouTube user in Australia, while globally she ranks 37th.
The 118 videos she's created over two years have amassed 64 million views, making her also the most viewed Australian YouTube user of all time - more popular on the site than even AC/DC, whose videos have attracted 53 million views.
But while some female web stars such as Obama Girl have used their sexuality to amass scores of drooling fanboys, Tran has eschewed titillation in favour of comedic skits about her everyday life.
"I think that to have longevity on these kind of websites you need to offer something different ... there's plenty of [sexual] material on the internet that would provide that kind of entertainment already," she said.
For instance, her most recent skit riffs on the poor quality voice recognition services many companies use to answer their phones and provides funny tips on how to bypass them.
In another, Tran talks about the irrational fears that people have, such as: "When I kill an insect I'm really conscious that there's another one in the room that's probably seen that massacre go down and it's probably going to try and find me as well as my family."
The comedic value is in Tran's satirical re-enactments of the situations she is talking about and the fact that she plays all of the characters.
Tran said the skits were all based on things that happened in her day, "just a little bit exaggerated for comedy purposes".
"They're not huge deep and meaningful videos, they're just short snippets that are meant to be a little bit of fun in somebody's lunch break ... the world wouldn't be a worse place without them," she said.
Tran publishes a new video every two to three days, each taking about four hours to make, including writing, filming, editing and uploading.
Outside of that she said she spends an hour at night replying to the hundreds of messages she receives each day from fans.
Also unlike many internet celebrities, Tran has never courted fame, regularly turning down TV shows and journalists who are more interested in poking fun at the whacky world of YouTube than seriously examining its place in the new digital media world.
She works in retail on and off while studying digital media at the University of NSW, but says most of her classmates don't know of her YouTube fame.
Tran said she had been approached by numerous companies seeking to sponsor her videos or pay for an endorsement but she decided against heading down that path, fearful it would put viewers offside.
"It [sponsorship money] is very tempting but it's not really what I'm looking for - I've spent a long time creating something and I don't want to give that up," she said.
While she earns a modest income from YouTube's Partner Program - which gives a small percentage of ad revenue to the site's most popular users - Tran said money and fame did not concern her.
She was more interested in practically applying her digital media studies to learn "the science behind" making content that builds and sustains audiences online.
"I don't think internet fame holds very much in the real world," she said.
Witty and funny. I'm hooked.
04 February 2009
Keiser - two years on
Two years on without Keiser and I still miss her. She was a great cat.
August 2005 - she enjoyed lying in the sun on cold days.
She would have got along very well with Kane.
03 February 2009
from 'hunk' to chunk
Personal trainer Paul James piles on kilos to help clientsThis will be worth keeping an eye on to see what measures he takes to lose that weight. No doubt such shameless self-promotion means that he will probably devise and promote his own brand of diet and exercise.By Matt Johnston | February 03, 2009
- Trainer to stay at 120kg for three months
- He plans to lose the weight with gym clients
- Health experts warn practice is dangerous
AN underwear model and personal trainer from Melbourne is on a bacon and chocolate milk diet to stack on 40kg to better understand obese gym clients.Weight on ... Paul 'PJ' James, a personal trainer and former underwear model, shows off his new gut. Picture: Rebecca Michael
Paul "PJ" James, a Coburg model who has strutted catwalks in Milan and Tokyo, is halfway to his goal of reaching 120kg. He plans to stay at that weight for three months before shedding the kilos with his Doherty's gym clients in Brunswick.
He has cut out exercise and admits to enjoying the occasional full chicken with skin, stuffing and chips at night to boost his calorie intake.
But a leading obesity and health expert, Prof Boyd Swinburn, said PJ risked damaging his liver and suffering heart problems from the stunt, which will be filmed as a documentary.
PJ, 32, has already gone from 80kg to 100kg since making his New Year resolution to boost his flab.
"I have always found it easy to tell clients what to do to lose weight, but it's hard to tell where a client is coming from and how they are feeling," he said.
"There are health risks, I won't shy away from that. But I'm trying to do it as responsibly as possible, with regular blood pressure and health checks."
He said his body had tried to reject the fat at first, but he had worked hard to make sure he stacked on the kilos, and was now starting to notice people looking at him differently.
"Especially when I'm trying to train clients and they are doing sit-ups and I'm standing there with a massive gut," he said.
"My gut is pretty big. That's where most of the weight seems to be going."
PJ said he would film the experience and that he is an aspiring actor.
He "doubted" he was setting a bad example for young people because no one would want to do what he was doing.
"I'm not regretting it because I know the end result will be beneficial," he said.
"I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the food, I'm starting to understand that. I'm not loving it, but at the same time I'm not hating it."
Prof Swinburn, director of the World Health Organisation Centre for Obesity Prevention at Deakin University, said stacking on weight quickly was dangerous.
"There's only such a rate that fat cells can absorb and there's a big spillover into where the fat isn't supposed to be, like the liver," he said.
"A much safer way to know what people are going through is putting on one of those fat suits."
PJ was Blush Photography 'Hottest Hunk' of 2007. Now he's a chunk. Still, he looks like the rest of us now.
*****
Happy Tuesday.
01 February 2009
film accents
Here's a thought. How about casting German actors to play Germans, British actors to play Brits, and American actors to play Americans?The good, the bad and the mangled
BBC News Magazine
The release of Valkyrie and The Reader have brought to mind a recurring problem for moviemakers and television producers - should actors stick to their own accents?
In Valkyrie, the story of Claus von Stauffenberg's attempt to kill Hitler and topple the Nazi regime, Tom Cruise sounds like Tom Cruise.
Not Tom Cruise with a slight German accent, but the usual vaguely East Coast-tinged Cruise of Mission: Impossible and Top Gun.
Tom Cruise is so well-known that if he started doing an 'Allo 'Allo accent, it would have everyone in hysterics
James King
Film criticAnd at the same time, there's The Reader, another film set in Germany and tackling Nazism, which goes the other way. David Kross, the young German actor, does his lines in English with a German accent, as do Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes.
As the Anglophone film industry appears disinclined to ever stop making movies about the 1939-1945 period, it's a dilemma that is going to continue coming up.
Take Sam Peckinpah's 1977 epic on the horrors of the Eastern Front, Cross of Iron. A classic war movie it is. A classic example of coherent accents it is not.
Of the main characters, James Coburn as the hero, Steiner, attempts a German accent while James Mason as Colonel Brandt wanders in and out of one, and David Warner as Captain Kiesel speaks mostly in his best stage Received Pronunciation with only the occasional German tinged word. Maximilian Schell, being Austrian, keeps rather more consistently to his accent, as the baddie Stransky. All in all it's a bit of an accent mess.
So it's perhaps not surprising that the Valkyrie's no-funny-voices rule has its supporters.
"Tom Cruise is so well-known that if he started doing an 'Allo 'Allo accent, it would have everyone in hysterics," says film critic James King. "In Valkyrie it works because the opening [dialogue is] in German [even Tom Cruise] and it's done smoothly."
Kate Winslet does a German accent - only Germans know if it is any goodIt can sometimes seem a natural thing in a period piece. In Roland Joffe's The Mission, the stars play Spanish parts with their own accents, Robert De Niro American and Jeremy Irons English.
The same tactic can be taken in television. When the BBC recently adapted Swedish author Henning Mankell's Wallander detective novels, the major cast members were British and speaking with British accents. Perhaps the producers were aware of the danger that if not done properly, a difficult and little-done accent could soon degenerate into something like the Swedish chef out of the Muppets.
And where accents are done now, they tend to be low-key affairs.
"These days when people put on a foreign accent they make them slightly less pronounced, not like in the days of Gary Oldman with his full Russian accent as the villain in Air Force One," says King.
Baltimore Brits
Oldman, despite his alarming Russian, has of course made a career out of playing American roles, and doing various accents convincingly. Peter Sellers was another master of accents. In Dr Strangelove he does a comedy German, an uppercrust Englishman and a mild-mannered American, all in the same film.
And how many of those who have recently become fans of the Baltimore cop show The Wire would have guessed that Russell "Stringer" Bell was from Hackney or that the Baltimore twang of Jimmy McNulty was produced by Dominic West, educated at Eton.
And perhaps the greatest accents of recent times were furnished by Americans Gwyneth Paltrow and Renee Zellweger who did upper-middle class English as well as any Englishwoman.
But when things go bad they can go really bad. Everybody remembers Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins, but at least that was a comedy. How much worse was Forest Whittaker's frankly ludicrous British accent in The Crying Game, Russell Crowe attempting an English City boy in A Good Year or Sean Connery in most of everything he was ever in?
But context is everything. When Johnny Depp did Cockney in Jack the Ripper movie From Hell he was lambasted. When he did the same accent, again modelled on Keith Richards, to comic effect in Pirates of the Caribbean, it was regarded as amusing. In a good way.
It's all down to your expectations of what you're watching.
Evocation of place
"When you watch Russian plays or Greek tragedies they don't bother with an accent," says Sally Hague, dialect coach at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. "There's a convention that it's set around the characters or the action and not the place. Directors think that using dialect would be a distraction.
"But sometimes an accent would be central to evoking a place. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof - it's all about the language of the Deep South that Tennessee Williams was using when he wrote it. It can be perverse not trying to do that accent. Irvine Welsh and Trainspotting. It couldn't have been done without the dialect."
Marlon Brando did Mexican for Viva ZapataAnd of course in some movies, accents and casting are offering a subtle code. In some war movies from days of yore, Americans play the heroes, English actors do the more acceptable Germans and the truly bad Germans are played by real Germans.
In some films about the Roman Empire or with other classical or period settings, English accents can be used by Hollywood to convey gravitas.
In Gladiator for instance, Roman-ness can only be properly conveyed by an English accent. Witness Joaquin Phoenix's rather alarming effort as Emperor Commodus. One might surmise that an English accent represents the "Old World" in a more general sense to an American viewer. But still, Tony Curtis, despite his Bronx accent, played a string of roles in ancient dramas.
In many American films the baddie is English or English accented. But you can also get a film like Die Hard, where Alan Rickman does a German accent for a double dose of baddie-ness.
Then you have an actor like Art Malik, born in Pakistan, but raised in England, doing a string of Arab terrorist baddies.
It all tests the audience's ability to suspend their disbelief.
"Films like Die Hard have had their day - no-one blinked an eye. Now people would think of those as out of place," says King.
Dick Van Dyke has never lived down his cockney accent in Mary PoppinsThere have been classic films where actors have not just put on accents but even "blacked up" to play exotic parts. We can still relish a viewing of Lawrence of Arabia because we know it comes from 1962, although we may find Omar Sharif [an Egyptian] as Sherif Ali a lot more convincing than Alec Guinness as Prince Faisal.
In Elia Kazan's Viva Zapata from 1952, Marlon Brando (born Nebraska, US) seems more ardent in his Mexican accent than Anthony Quinn (born Chihuahua, Mexico). Quinn got the Oscar.
But perhaps we care less about how convincing an accent is than we do about the quality of the film.
We are happy for Americans and Brits to do foreign voices in the right settings and to do each other, as long as it's well, but show us a rubbish film and we'll zero in on the bad accent.
And if you really want authenticity, why not just take the Mel Gibson route and do it all in Aramaic with subtitles.
****************
Today was warm.
31 January 2009
blonde quotes
MAYBE these blonde stars traded fame and fortune for a large slice of their brains?
Paris Hilton, for instance, might fancy finding a bff in Blighty, but she should work out that Gordon Ramsey is not the Prime Minister first.
But the hotel heiress isn’t the only famous fair-header to uphold the blonde stereotype.
Check out our top 50 dumb blonde quotes below:
1) Paris Hilton talking to press about the US chain store: "Wal-Mart... do they like make walls there?"
2) Jessica Simpson on NewleyWeds: "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.' "
3) Alicia Silverstone on her role in Clueless: "I think that the film was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
4) Chantelle Houghton when Big Brother said she had changed since becoming a celebrity: "I've changed? What do you mean... I've changed my clothes?"
5) Jodie Marsh in a recent interview: "Eskimos are uncivilised because they don't have any shops."
6) Paris Hilton on her technique on the red carpet: "I don't really think, I just walk."
7) Jessica Simpson on her first day at high school: "A teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. I was sooo excited. I was like, Damn it! It's my first day of 7th grade, I'm in junior high and I know this answer. So I raised my hand, I was the first one, and I said A-E-I-O-U!"
8) Goldie Hawn on her favourite types of films: "Comedy is funny".
9) Sam Fox on fitness clothes: "I’ve got 10 pairs of training shoes - one for every day of the week."
10) Britney Spears on her taste in clothes: "So many people have asked me how I could possibly be a role model and dress like a tramp and get implants... all I have to say is that self-esteem is how you look at yourself and I feel good enough about myself so wear that kind of clothing... the breast implant issue has nothing to do with that..."
11) BB's Helen Adam’s on education: "The worst thing is when the press call me a dizzy blonde - I got a B in Drama, a D in English, I did a hairdressing course and a beauty certificate."
12) Lady Victoria Hervey on the homeless: "It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day."
13) Britney Spears on Japan: "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."
14) Jessica Simpson when offered buffalo wings: "Sorry I don't eat buffalo."
15) Paris Hilton on her fame: "There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon."
16) Chantelle Houghton on George Galloway: "He looks at us like we're stupid, scatty, uneducated girls. He's a right chauvinistic pig, whatever that means!"
17) Cameron Diaz on science: "I've been noticing gravity since I was very young."
18) Britney Spears on where she might start her theatre career: "I would rather start out somewhere small, like London or England.”
19) BB's Helen Adams on magic man Paul Daniels: "Yeah, you know Jack Daniels... he does all the magic stuff!"
20) Christina Alguilera on film festivals: "So where’s the Cannes film festival being held this year?"
21) Paris Hilton on her career choices: "First wanted to be a veterinarian. And then I realised you had to give them shots to put them to sleep, so I decided I'd just buy a bunch of animals and have them in my house instead."
22) Alicia Douvall on motherhood: "I think a 16-year-old with a nice, sexy figure will do really well as a model as long as she's managed well. That's why I'm happy for Georgia to have a boob job because it will give her a career."
23) Chantelle Houghton on hearing George Galloway was an MP: "Does that mean you work in that big room with the green seats?"
24) Britney on capital punishment: "I am for the death penalty. Who commits terrible acts must get a fitting punishment. That way he learns the lesson for the next time."
25) BB2's Helen Adams on pulses: "How much chicken is there in chick peas?"
26) Chanelle Hayes on her Posh spice obsession: "I like what she (Victoria Beckham) wears. That's what magazines are all about - there's always a picture of a celebrity and where to buy a replica of what they're wearing. It's not as if I'm doing anything weird."
27) Paris Hilton on her title: "I don't want to be known as the Hilton heiress, because I didn't do anything for that."
28) Tara Reid on her fellow blonde celeb: "I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist."
29) Ivana Trump on literature: "Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything."
30) Christina Aguilera on herself: "I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures."
31) Britney Spears on her first tour: "Where the hell is Australia anyway?"
32) Alicia Douvall on surgery: "I know it (plastic surgeries) will kill me. But I'd rather die trying to sort things out."
33) Jodie Marsh on cooking: "Is an egg a vegetable?"
34) Kimberly Stewart on Jennifer Aniston: "I like her cos she's like, homely. She must have something else going on cos it's not like she's gorgeous or anything."
35) Jessica Simpson on her mood at the VH1 '05 video awards: "Isn’t it weird I’m getting all emotionable."
36) Helen Adams on BB2 : "I probably sound Welsh on the telly."
37) Mariah Carey on the death of the King of Jordan: "I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time."
38) Chantelle Houghton on different types of doctors: "What’s a gynaecologist?"
39) Pamela Anderson on her secret to success: "I don't think about anything too much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!"
40) Ivana Trump on getting one over on her ex's new girlfriend: “Gorgeous hair is the best revenge.”
41) Brooke Shields on her campaign against smoking: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
42) Heather Locklear on being proud of her heritage: "From an early age I was aware of what America meant, and how the Marines at Camp Pendleton were ready to defend us at a moment's notice. I also remember what fabulous bodies those troops had."
43) Jessica Simpson on her scantily clad videos: "I'm definitely shy, so it was definitely acting for me to drop a trench coat and be in a bikini and try to get my cousins out of trouble by using my body. That was definitely acting!"
44) Chantelle Houghton working out the shopping budget: "Eleventy-twelve pence? I don't get it. How much is that then?"
45) Britney on why she did a cover of I Love Rock and Roll: "I always loved Pat Benatar."
46) Emma Bunton on moobs: "I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing."
47) Cyndi Crawford on modelling: "In the studio, I do try to have a thought in my head, so that it's not like a blank stare."
48) The late Anna Nicole Smith on suicide bombers: "Doesn't that hurt?"
49) Jessica Simpson to the President when visiting the White House: "I love what you’ve done with the place!"
50) Mischa Barton on being blessed with looks: "Pretty people aren't as accepted as other people. It comes with all these stigmas."
Some of the absurd statements might very well have been said as a joke. It also takes an intelligent person to play dumb.
*********
Far too hot.
30 January 2009
moo cows need names
Even moo cows like to feel appreciated. I wonder whether chickens feel the same.Names give cows a lotta bottle
A cow with a name produces more milk than one without, scientists at Newcastle University have found.
Drs Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson have shown that by giving a cow a name and treating her as an individual, farmers can increase their annual milk yield by almost 500 pints.
The study, published online today in the academic journal Anthrozoos, found that on farms where each cow was called by her name the overall milk yield was higher than on farms where the cattle were herded as a group.
“Just as people respond better to the personal touch, cows also feel happier and more relaxed if they are given a bit more one-to-one attention,” explains Dr Douglas, who works in the School of Agriculture, Food and Rural Development at Newcastle University.
"What our study shows is what many good, caring farmers have long since believed.
“By placing more importance on the individual, such as calling a cow by her name or interacting with the animal more as it grows up, we can not only improve the animal's welfare and her perception of humans, but also increase milk production."
Dairy farmer Dennis Gibb, who co-owns Eachwick Red House Farm outside Newcastle with his brother Richard, says he believes treating every cow as an individual is “vitally important”.
“They aren’t just our livelihood - they’re part of the family,” says Dennis. “We love our cows here at Eachwick and every one of them has a name. Collectively we refer to them as ‘our ladies’ but we know every one of them and each one has her own personality.”
What the study found
The Newcastle University study looked at how farmers’ attitudes to their cows influenced milk production.
Dr Douglas and Dr Rowlinson questioned 516 UK dairy farmers about how they believed humans could affect the productivity, behaviour and welfare of dairy cattle.
Almost half – 46 per cent – said the cows on their farm were called by name. Those that called their cows by name had a 258 litre higher milk yield than those who did not.
Sixty six per cent of farmers said they “knew all the cows in the herd” and 48 per cent agreed that positive human contact was more likely to produce cows with a good milking temperament.
Almost 10 per cent said that a fear of humans resulted in a poor milking temperament.
Dr Douglas added: “Our data suggests that on the whole UK dairy farmers regard their cows as intelligent beings capable of experiencing a range of emotions.
“Placing more importance on knowing the individual animals and calling them by name can – at no extra cost to the farmer – also significantly increase milk production."
Academic paper: Exploring stock managers’ perceptions of the human-animal relationship on dairy farms and an association with milk production. Catherine Douglas (nee Bertenshaw) and Peter Rowlinson
Published in: Anthrozoos, Berg Publishing. DOI: 10.2752/089279307X224764
FOR PHOTOGRAPHS: http://www.ncl.ac.uk/press.office/photo-library/
published on: 28th January 2009
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Heatwave continues.
29 January 2009
Tintin watch: Jamie Bell plays Tintin
Tintin' filming under way in LAWoohoo! Nefarious!
LOS ANGELES, Jan. 26 (UPI) -- Director Steven Spielberg began principal photography Monday in Los Angeles on his 3D motion-capture film, "The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn."
In addition to directing the movie, Spielberg is co-producing it with Peter Jackson and Kathleen Kennedy.
Jamie Bell, who has starred in "Billy Elliot" and Jackson's "King Kong," plays Tintin, "the intrepid young reporter whose relentless pursuit of a good story thrusts him into a world of high adventure," press notes for the film said.
"Quantum of Solace" and "Defiance" star Daniel Craig plays the nefarious Red Rackham in "Tintin," a film that also features the talents of actors Andy Serkis, Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Gad Elmaleh, Toby Jones and Mackenzie Crook.
"The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn," which is due to hit theaters in 2011, is based on the iconic Tintin comic-book character, created by Georges Remi, who is better known by his pen name "Herge."
A second "Tintin" feature is scheduled to be directed by Jackson -- and there a third installment is possible, Paramount Pictures and Sony Pictures Entertainment said in a news release.
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Today was too hot.
28 January 2009
not only cops talk funny
When I worked for the Department of Defence, army folk were always 'promulgating' and 'implementing'. One silly army sergeant even asked when new office furniture would be 'implemented'.
Army talk makes dumb people seem even dumber.
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Today was far too hot.
27 January 2009
airline food on the ground
Everything but the turbulence at Taipei airline diner
Fri Jan 23, 2009 1:06am EST
By Ralph Jennings
TAIPEI (Reuters Life!) - Imagine boarding a plane without security checks or even tickets and more importantly, there's more than just fish or chicken for dinner.
Set in a dull commercial building in central Taipei, the A380 In-Flight Kitchen looks and functions like an airline in many ways, expect that it serves a regular restaurant menu of Western food, sometimes in plastic trays.
Since November, the restaurant has been packing in wannabe passengers, who sit in soft speckled blue seats with headrests covered in white napkins and under oval-shaped windows. Locked white baggage compartments hang overhead.
Waitresses dressed as flight attendants take meal orders for filet mignon or waffles, as well as the customary fish and chicken. Staff say "welcome aboard" to customers and issue boarding passes to those who must wait for a table.
Of the 84 seats, 20 are "first class" or set aside for groups with advanced bookings, and the place is often overbooked, said business operations manager Emily Lu.
"There are customers who come in and say 'is this real airline food? Airline food doesn't taste good,'" Lu said, adding that they had turned a profit.
The restaurant, in Taipei's university quarter, opened after owner Yang Mao-hui figured that he could ride some of the Airbus A380's recent fame in the aviation industry by offering a simulated experience, Lu said.
The diner decor cost about T$7 million ($209,000), she added.
"The kids like flying, so coming here gives them that experience," said regular customer Wu Shu-hua, 44.
"It looks exactly like an airplane, but the food should be a bit more extensive here," added first-time lunch customer Vivian Mo, 14, who had just ordered a soup and salad.
The Airbus A380, billed as the most spacious passenger aircraft in the world, began flying commercially in October 2007.
Airbus has no actual stake in the restaurant, Lu said.
Taiwan has a smorgasboard of theme diners, including one modeled after a hospital ward, one that holds puppet shows and two that seat customers on toilet bowls.
(Editing by Miral Fahmy)
Anybody who romanticises the notion of airline food, particularly in economy class hasn't travelled enough.
The smaller portions are a good idea though. Perhaps an airline food diet would be a good idea - small portions of inedible stuff.
Anybody used to good food in business or first class, just would not be seen in such an establishment.
26 January 2009
convergence
Good omens.
24 January 2009
taking the swear jar to extremes
What the fuck? There should be a law against legislators wasting time (paid for by taxpayers) on trivial matters.A BILL
TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 16-15-370 SO AS TO MAKE IT UNLAWFUL TO COMMUNICATE PROFANITY IN A PUBLIC FORUM OR PLACE OF PUBLIC ACCOMMODATION; BY ADDING SECTION 16-15-430 SO AS TO CREATE THE OFFENSE OF DISSEMINATING PROFANITY TO A MINOR AND PROVIDE A PENALTY FOR THE OFFENSE; TO AMEND SECTION 16-15-305, RELATING TO DISSEMINATING OBSCENITY, SO AS TO SPECIFY BOTH ORAL AND WRITTEN PUBLICATIONS; AND TO AMEND SECTION 16-15-375, RELATING TO DEFINITIONS FOR PURPOSES OF MORALITY AND DECENCY OFFENSES AGAINST MINORS, SO AS TO INCLUDE THE OFFENSE OF DISSEMINATING PROFANITY TO A MINOR.
Be it enacted by the General Assembly of the State of South Carolina:
SECTION 1. Article 3, Chapter 15, Title 16 of the 1976 Code is amended by adding:
"Section 16-15-370. (A) It is unlawful for a person in a public forum or place of public accommodation wilfully and knowingly to publish orally or in writing, exhibit, or otherwise make available material containing words, language, or actions of a profane, vulgar, lewd, lascivious, or indecent nature.
(B) A person who violates the provisions of this section is guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, must be fined not more than five thousand dollars or imprisoned not more than five years, or both."
SECTION 2. Article 3, Chapter 15, Title 16 of the 1976 Code is amended by adding:
"Section 16-15-430. (A) It is unlawful for a person to disseminate profanity to a minor if he wilfully and knowingly publishes orally or in writing, exhibits, or otherwise makes available material containing words, language, or actions of profane, vulgar, lewd, lascivious, or indecent nature.
(B) A person who violates the provisions of this section is guilty of a felony and, upon conviction, must be fined not more than five thousand dollars or imprisoned not more than five years, or both."
SECTION 3. Section 16-15-305(A)(3) of the 1976 Code is amended to read:
"(3) publishes orally or in writing, exhibits, or otherwise makes available anything obscene to
anya group or individual; or"SECTION 4. The first undesignated paragraph of Section 16-15-375 of the 1976 Code is amended to read:
"The following definitions apply to Section 16-15-385, disseminating or exhibiting to minors harmful material or performances; Section 16-15-387, employing a person under the age of eighteen years to appear in a state of sexually explicit nudity in a public place; Section 16-15-395, first degree sexual exploitation of a minor; Section 16-15-405, second degree sexual exploitation of a minor; Section 16-15-410, third degree sexual exploitation of a minor; Section 16-15-415, promoting prostitution of a minor;
andSection 16-15-425, participating in prostitution of a minor; and Section 16-15-430, disseminating profanity to a minor."SECTION 5. The repeal or amendment by this act of any law, whether temporary or permanent or civil or criminal, does not affect pending actions, rights, duties, or liabilities founded thereon, or alter, discharge, release or extinguish any penalty, forfeiture, or liability incurred under the repealed or amended law, unless the repealed or amended provision shall so expressly provide. After the effective date of this act, all laws repealed or amended by this act must be taken and treated as remaining in full force and effect for the purpose of sustaining any pending or vested right, civil action, special proceeding, criminal prosecution, or appeal existing as of the effective date of this act, and for the enforcement of rights, duties, penalties, forfeitures, and liabilities as they stood under the repealed or amended laws.
SECTION 6. This act takes effect upon approval by the Governor.
See also WCBD TV news
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Today was a do nothing day.
22 January 2009
heroine to the maids
Philippine celebrity maid fights abuses with songsHer story should inspire the millions of Filipino (and indeed Indonesian) maids worldwide to stand up to abuse by their employers.
By JIM GOMEZ – 18 January 2009
MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Sentenced to death for killing an employer she accused of trying to rape her, 14-year-old Sarah Balabagan became the public face of poor Filipino migrant workers who regularly suffer abuses abroad.
That was 13 years ago. Her execution by firing squad in the Middle East commuted, she is now a budding singer and TV host who uses her songs and story as weapons against labor abuses.
"They should not be afraid to talk and to fight, that's the message in my songs," said Balabagan, who has recorded two CDs focusing on her campaign and newfound Christian faith.
She has sold several thousand copies, mostly to Filipino migrant workers during concert tours, where she preaches the lessons of her near-death ordeal. In October, she visited Malaysia and Singapore, frequent destinations for Filipino maids.
At a Manila gathering of overseas workers in December, Balabagan and her band belted out a mix of songs and ballads.
"Don't let yourself be stepped on wherever you end up," she admonished the crowd in a Tagalog-language song. "Don't cower when you know you're right."
Former President Joseph Estrada, an ex-movie star, shook her hands and posed with her before TV cameras. "She's a celebrity now," Estrada said.
Balabagan is from a Muslim family in southern Maguindanao province, a region torn by a decades-old Muslim separatist rebellion. Her family was so poor that half of her 14 siblings died because they lacked access to basic medical care, she said.
In June 1994, when she was 14, she left for the United Arab Emirates to work as a maid, saying she was 28 to circumvent an age limit set by Philippine authorities. After more than a month, she stabbed her Arab employer 34 times, alleging he tried to rape her at knifepoint.
A court sentenced her to seven years in prison while acknowledging she was abused. But in a 1995 retrial, a second court found no evidence of rape and condemned her to die.
An international outcry led to her sentence being reduced to one year and 100 lashes, plus payment of "blood money" to her employer's family, which was provided by a Filipino businessman. She returned home in 1996 to a shower of cash, scholarships and attention.
A Philippine studio made a 1997 film about her, which earned her $92,000. Then came on-and-off appearances on TV and radio programs that dealt with overseas workers, allowing her to travel to Europe, the United States and Asian countries.
Balabagan later started a small business to help send her three children to school. She converted to Christianity in 2003.
Such cases, ending in death sentences, aren't just a Middle East problem.
After a Filipino maid was hanged in Singapore in 1995 for a double murder she claimed she didn't commit, the Philippines passed the Migrant Workers' Act, which outlined steps for the government to protect migrant workers abroad.
The more than 8 million Filipinos who work overseas have been called "new heroes" by the government for the earnings they send home. In 2007, they remitted almost $14.5 billion, equal to 10 percent of the country's gross domestic product.
Human exploitation and cruelty is abhorrent.
20 January 2009
headline of the month
From UK Daily Mail
How wine can turn you into a werewolf (And the bad news is, we're not joking)Go on, click on it. You know you want to.
19 January 2009
Lèse majesté part 2
Man who insulted Thai monarch jailed for 3yrsIs the reverence for the royal family freely given or a result of draconian laws? Surely if this reverence is real, there would not be a need for such laws.19 January 2009
Sentence reduced...Nicolaides was originally given a six-year jail term. (Reuters: Sukree Sukplang )
An Australian man has been sentenced to three years jail in Bangkok after pleading guilty to insulting the Thai royal family.
Forty-one-year-old Melbourne man Harry Nicolaides wrote a book in 2005 which briefly referred to the private life of Thailand's Crown Prince, Vajiralongkorn - the son of the current King, Bhumipol Adulyadel.
There were tears in Nicolaides' eyes as he faced the court.
The five criminal court judges initially imposed a six year sentence, but it was reduced because he pleaded guilty.
Nicolaides told reporters after the ruling that he wished his family the best.
He was arrested in late August when he was trying to leave the country.
The lese majeste laws are fiercely upheld in Thailand where King Bhumipol is revered by his people.
Nicolaides is likely to apply for a pardon from the King.
Two years ago a Swiss man found guilty of insulting the monarchy was pardoned and deported from the country.
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Monday.
18 January 2009
bizarre foods to try
GoaI would try anything, but draw the line at rotten shark. See also Pilot Guides (Intrepid Dishes: Mouldy Shark Meat).
Cow's Urine Tonic
Phuket
Fish Stomach Sauce
Ethiopia
Raw Camel Kidneys with Berbere and Lemon Juice
Tanzania
Fresh Goat's Blood
Uganda
Giant Flying Ants
Hawaii
Roy Yamaguchi's Homemade Natto Tofu Skin with Hana Snails and Salmon Roe
Samoa
Giant Clam Sashimi
Maine
Rob Evans' Honey Glazed Smoked Raw Lobster
Toasted Ears at Hugo's
Los Angeles
Wolfgang Puck's Hunan Style Rooster Balls
Nobu Matsuhisa's Uni Shooter
Chile
Piure
Niache (seasoned lamb's blood)
Iceland
Hakari (eight-week-old putrefied shark) in Slatur (blood pudding)
Russia
Pickled Lamprey
Bolivia
Chafaina (cow vein stew)
Chunos (freeze-dried rotten potatoes)
Minnesota
Lutefisk (dried cod rehydrated in lye)
China
Penis Soup
Donkey Skin
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Today was a very lazy day.
17 January 2009
trillionaires who are not actually rich
Zimbabwe unveils $100 trillion banknoteRobert Mugabe is an idiot.
16 January 2009
HARARE (AFP) — Zimbabwe unveiled a 100 trillion dollar note Friday in the latest grim measure of its staggering economic collapse, heightening the urgency of a new round of unity talks set for next week.
Veteran leader Robert Mugabe and opposition chief Morgan Tsvangirai are set to hold talks Monday with key regional leaders in a bid to salvage a four-month-old unity accord, which has yet to be implemented.
The stalemate over disputed elections last year has only fuelled the economic and humanitarian crisis that has impoverished the country, leaving nearly half the population dependent on food aid as a cholera epidemic sweeps the country.
The Reserve Bank announced in the government mouthpiece Herald newspaper a series of trillion-dollar denominations to keep pace with hyperinflation that has left the once-dynamic economy in tatters.
The new 100,000,000,000,000 Zim-dollar bill would have been worth about 300 US dollars (225 euros) at Thursday's exchange rate on the informal market, where most currency trading now takes place, but the value of the local currency erodes dramatically every day.
The move came just one week after the bank released a series of billion-dollar notes, which already are not worth enough for workers to withdraw their monthly salaries.
Inflation was last reported at 231 million percent in July, but the Washington think-tank Cato Institute has estimated it now at 89.7 sextillion percent -- a figure expressed with 21 zeroes.
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I was far too busy today, spending most of the day out.
15 January 2009
14 January 2009
Economic freedom
graphic from Wall Street Journal
The foundation defines economic freedom as
The highest form of economic freedom provides an absolute right of property ownership, fully realized freedoms of movement for labor, capital, and goods, and an absolute absence of coercion or constraint of economic liberty beyond the extent necessary for citizens to protect and maintain liberty itself. In other words, individuals are free to work, produce, consume, and invest in any way they please, and that freedom is both protected by the state and unconstrained by the state.The list makes sense with Hong Kong coming first, with its unfettered capitalism with little government interference.
It's quite interesting that the top two, Hong Kong and Singapore have issues being democratic. It's not all about money.
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Today was a very hot day.
13 January 2009
liberating George
Seafood Restaurant Agrees to Release 'George' Back Into the Sea
For Immediate Release:
January 10, 2009Contact:
Ashley Byrne 757-622-7382Kennebunkport, Maine -- Just three days ago, the prospect that a 140-year-old, 20-pound lobster confined to a tank inside a New York seafood restaurant would ever see his ocean home again were bleak at best. But after initially denying PETA's request to release the ancient crustacean, the folks at Manhattan's City Crab and Seafood had a change of heart and agreed to let PETA return the lucky lobster to Kennebunkport, where he will be released back into the sea today. PETA invites the media to cover the lobster's release:
Date: Saturday, January 10
Time: 10:15 a.m.
Place: The pier on Ocean Avenue, between Pearl Street and Green Street, Kennebunkport, MaineAccording to Dr. Jaren G. Horsley, an invertebrate zoologist, lobsters have a "sophisticated nervous system" and feel "a great deal of pain" when cut or cooked alive. And because lobsters do not enter a state of shock when they are hurt, they feel every moment of their slow, painful deaths when cooked in a kettle of boiling water. Scientists at the Marine Biological Laboratory in Woods Hole, Mass., have found that lobsters use complicated signals to establish social relationships and take long-distance seasonal journeys, often traveling more than 100 miles in a year.
"We are thrilled to be able to let lobster George, who has avoided being trapped since the Civil War, to live out his days in freedom and peace," says PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk. "We hope that City Crab and Seafood's kind gesture serves as an example that these intriguing animals don't deserve to be kept in tiny tanks or boiled alive.
PeTA blog
In this photo released by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, "George," a live 20 pound lobster rests on a plate at City Crab and Seafood in New York, Friday, Jan. 9, 2009. City Crab and Seafood has spared the lobster, which is expected to be released Saturday, Jan. 10, near Kennebunkport, Maine, in an area where lobster trapping is forbidden. PETA and the restaurant gauged George's age at about 140, using a rule of thumb based on the creature's weight. (AP Photo/P.E.T.A.)Reported by CNN, Associated Press and other media outlets.
Good for George. Just like all other living creatures, if it has lived for this long, it deserves to continue doing so.
In the meantime, I found some great recipes for lobster - here and here.
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A day at home today, but a shame it was so warm.
12 January 2009
the first dog dilemma solved
Obama choice: Labradoodle or a Portuguese water dogThis is what a Portuguese water dog looks likeWill the next pooch in the White House be a dog of change?Sunday, President-elect Barack Obama told George Stephanopoulos on ABC News' This Week that the family has narrowed the choice to either a Portuguese water hound or labradoodle.
The former is actually known as the Portuguese water dog. It dates back to the 1200s and worked on boats with Portuguese fishermen, according to the website of the Portuguese Water Dog Club of America.
Sen. Ted Kennedy has helped make them famous, returning to the Capitol after brain cancer treatment with his two Portuguese water dogs.
The labradoodle, on the other hand, is a relatively new dog whose cross-breeding between a Labrador and a poodle goes back only to the 1980s.
In his election-night victory speech, Obama promised daughters Sasha, 7, and Malia, 10, they could have a puppy in the White House. He later said that Malia is allergic, that the family would need a "hypoallergenic" dog and that they wanted a pound dog.
Both dogs are non-shedders and do not cause as much reaction in allergy sufferers as other dogs, says Stu Freeman, president of the Portuguese Water Dog Club of America.
"There really is no hypoallergenic dog," Freeman says. "We tell people to spend time around the dogs to make sure they're going to be OK. The hair might not bother them, but the saliva might."
Freeman says it can be difficult to find either breed in shelters because "rescue groups will always get word they're in shelters and save them."
Obama told Stephanopoulos they were going to start "looking at shelters to see when one of those dogs might come up."
Mary Harkings, who oversees a Portuguese water dog rescue group, says the breed is "funny and very family-oriented" but adds that the dogs crave exercise. "You can't just put them in a backyard and let them run it out," she says. "They want to do things with you."
That might be one huge plus for the labradoodle. "They can get by on 30 minutes a day of walking," says Melissa Angelini, a breeder in Monroe Township, N.J. "They're not that high-energy. Mine have been lying around for three days and are fine."
Obama has said finding the right dog has been "tougher than finding a Commerce secretary."
Rolli Grayson, a Chicago breeder of the Portuguese water dogs, was watching the show and had this advice for Obama: "I just wish he'd get what he wants. He should stop worrying about pleasing everyone and get what's best for his family."
Neither of those two breeds would be receptive to wearing lipstick, unlike Pitbull Terriers or pigs.
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Today was far too busy at work.
11 January 2009
how to explain about Tintin on his 80th anniversary
Confused by the cult of Tintin? You're not alone
Tintin turns 80 at the weekend as Steven Spielberg begins work on a Hollywood film of the comic book hero. He has long been a star on the Continent, but the cub reporter is almost unheard of in the United States and little more than a cult in the UK, writes Laurence Grove.
Tintin and Snowy: the intrepid duo
When, on 10 January 1929, Tintin first appeared in the children's supplement of Brussels' right-wing newspaper Vingtieme Siecle, the serialised adventure that was to follow could, at the time, have had all the makings of a transatlantic hit.
Tintin au Pays des Soviets was to portray a cruel and corrupt communist regime, where factories were cardboard cut-outs and those who spoke out against the Party were dispensed with immediately.
Unfortunately the boy scout may have ruined his chances of becoming an all-American role model in his subsequent adventures by belittling the natives in Tintin au Congo (1930) and then unveiling Mafia strangleholds and cruelty to native Americans in Tintin en Amérique (1932). Nonetheless, Europeans have largely forgiven him his flirts with Nazi sympathies (L'Étoile Mystérieuse, 1942).
So how come, as Tintin approaches 80, like Johnny Halliday, but unlike Jacques Brel, he's a famous Belgian who has not yet managed to woo the US?
Made in Britain
There is no doubting that Tintin is a Euro-hit: he has featured on stamps, phonecards and a range of products from underpants to edibles, and is to be the main subject of a new museum opening in Belgium this year. Although Herge, his creator (real name Georges Remi, 1907-1983), expressly forbade the series to continue after his death, related publications are a Rackham-like treasure trove for Moulinsart, the organisation known for its draconian enforcement of Herge's copyright estate.
Despite being a journalist, Tintin is only ever seen once with a completed articleThe now defunct chain of UK bookstores, Ottakars, was named after the Tintin book King Ottokar's SceptreThe Thom(p)son twins weren't twins, despite looking almost identicalBy comparison, recent albums of Tintin's comic-strip colleague Asterix, a relative whippersnapper at 50 this year, have, in France, outsold Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Code put together.
Even in the British Isles, Tintin's following tends to be cult rather than mass devotion. Although for many, it was the bequiffed boy's trip to Britain that sealed his longevity.
The 1938 album L'Ile Noire (The Black Island), which takes its inspiration from The Thirty-Nine Steps, is, for many Tintin's coming of age. It is this album that refines his trademark thrill-a-minute adventure format, and saw Herge perfect his clear-line style, which proved a major influence upon Andy Warhol and the pop artists. Arguably L'Ile Noire is to Herge what Macbeth is to Shakespeare.
Yet while Tintin embraced Britain, the English-speaking world never returned the compliment
Maybe he just came on to the scene too late.
The formula of a serial newspaper strip that each week had a cliffhanger ending was one that the US Sunday supplements had successfully exploited from the turn of the last century onwards. Herge in effect was doing little more than providing a Euro version of a US phenomenon.
More recently, Tintin can be seen as quite simply the Hollywood James Bond, but without the girls: he travels to exotic locations, mixing humour and gadgets as he battles the generic international baddie du jour.
Cosmopolitan character
Bond, like Indiana Jones, is a superhero without specific superpowers. And it is the idea of a Superman, or indeed a Wonderwoman, that has typically drawn North Americans to comics. In Britain a more self-effacing outlook has underlined the comic in comic, with heroes from the Beano or Topper traditionally making us laugh.
The "bandes dessinees" that are the French-speaking world's equivalent have, however, been more ambiguous; a graphic creation - in France comic strips are known as the Ninth Art - on a par with New Wave cinema.
Ironically, when it comes to Tintin the person, it is perhaps his very internationality that is his undoing. Euro-characters who do well in the States - James Bond, but also those portrayed by Hugh Grant and Gerard Depardieu - often play on national stereotypes and foible-laden sophistication. Herge, however, went out of his way to deny Tintin any specific Belgicite, underlining rather his international features.
Hercule Poirot he is not. He lives in a French chateau, has no Belgian linguistic tics, and could not be imagined tucking into mussels, chips and fine chocolates. His friends and acquaintances evoke different aspects of Euroness, from the Thompson twins' bowler-hatted Englishness, Bianca Castafiore's hot-headed Italian traits, or Professor Calculus's Germanic scientific-ness.
Even the names must have seemed entirely alien to an American audience.
Indeed Tintin's sophistication is of a very different kind: Le Bijoux de la Castafiore (1963), an album in which nothing happens, plays with notions of degre zero writing. Tintin au Tibet (1960) considers the evolving status of the post-colonial Other. And the posthumous Tintin et l'Alph-Art (1986), a book about artistic creation, is essentially a work of meta-fiction.
Tintin's creator, Herge, stripped his character of BelgiciteIt is easy to see how, from afar, Herge, let alone Cuthbert Calculus, can be seen as indulging in traditional French-style philosophical beard-stroking.
Such intricacies may have worked against Tintin, with Steven Spielberg having had his planned movie on ice for years since he bought the movie rights in 1983.
The project's shortcoming was apparently US puzzlement at Tintin. One rumour suggested there were problems with an adventure hero whose only love interest appeared to be a fox terrier, to the extent that at one stage making Tintin into a girl was not out of the question.
The situation may however be changing, as filming is finally to start on a Tintin movie, to be produced by Spielberg and Peter Jackson, apparently a mixture of animation and "real-life" with extended 3-D effects.
Tintin certainly has evolved since the days of his politically incorrect misadventures, and so too has America. Perhaps in the brave new world of Barack Obama there will be more room for this white European octogenarian.
Laurence Grove, is head of French and senior lecturer at the University of Glasgow. He is also president, International Bande Dessinee Society.
I love Tintin and cannot explain it. Tintinophiles will understand. There is no point in explaining ourselves!
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Today was far too busy for a Sunday. I so wanted to have an afternoon nap.
09 January 2009
Elvis in Parkes
In Parkes, where the King is not deadWhy Parkes? Why Elvis?
9/01/2009 12:07:00 PM
The king of rock and roll lives on, with thousands of Elvis Presley enthusiasts set to pay tribute to the hip-swivelling legend this weekend in central NSW.
On Friday almost 400 Elvis look-a-likes will board an eight car "Elvis Express" at Sydney's central railway station at 9.30am (AEDT) bound for Parkes.
On the way those aboard will be entertained by a Elvis tribute artist, and prizes will be awarded to the best dressed Elvis wannabe.
In Parkes more than 8,000 Elvis enthusiasts are expected to take part in the five-day festival.
Planned events include an Elvis Gospel Church Service, an Elvis street parade, and the crowning of Miss Priscilla.
Retired Wiggle performer Greg Page, a huge collector of Elvis memorabilia, is loaning items to the council of Parkes for visitors to glimpse.
They include the first management contract signed between Elvis and his manager Colonel Tom Parker, the original blueprints for Graceland, two original pairs of Elvis' trademark Aviator sunglasses, Elvis and Priscilla's marriage certificate, and one of only two gold lame suits made for Elvis by Nudie of Hollywood.
The Elvis Festival is now in its sixth year.
It kicked off last Wednesday and will finish on Sunday.
On Monday the Elvis Express is scheduled to return to Sydney.
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First week back at work after 16 days off. I still need a holiday.
08 January 2009
headlines of the month
- Mermaid discovery confirmed (Brisbane Times)
- Mermaid found on Great Barrier Reef (NT News)
- Scientists' hopes up for discovery of Mermaid (The Australian)
Actually, I only read one of them. Had to. How can one not?
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Cooler day today.
07 January 2009
foodie kids
Hey mum, pass the oystersAnd even advice
Kylie Hansen
January 07, 2009 12:00am
AN army of tiny, sophisticated child foodies is changing Melbourne's dining scene.
Personalised and multi-course menus, allergy-sensitive dining and sandpits are part of an arsenal of offerings by restaurants and cafes to lure children.
And it's food-savvy children who are often in charge of where parents spend their restaurant dollars, according to industry experts.
* Kids' menu: Parents campaign for better food for children
* Tips and links: How to enjoy eating with kids
"The child diner is a growth industry," said Restaurant and Catering Victoria CEO Todd Blake.
"Children are becoming more sophisticated diners than in the past, and business is starting to see the importance of children in terms of their appeal.
"Often it is the four-year-old who has control of the $130 parents spend on dinner."
The Pantry in Brighton offers crayons, tablecloths that double as drawing paper, takeaway child juices and milkshakes to match mum's coffee, and 4pm dinner starts.
"It can be a bit of a zoo in here sometimes and there are perils to child dining -- waiters sometimes end up being childcare workers," said Pantry manager Tim Purton-Smith.
Gail Donovan, of Donovans, said she had noticed a change in the role of children.
"Parents are more relaxed to be out with their kids," Ms Donovan said.
"We notice lots of little babies here and from age four they become quite sophisticated at eating out.
"While we offer a child menu, we find many parents talk them through the main menu and children order from that."
Even the city's high-end establishments are happy to cater to children.
"We do get regular guests who make it a priority to bring their children so that they can show them fine dining," said Vue de monde marketing manager Anna Augustine.
She said the adjoining Bistro Vue offered a children's menu, with mains $16.
The Boathouse restaurant in Moonee Ponds offers a children's menu and will customise food to a child's tastes.
The Boathouse menu doubles as a colouring sheet while Birdie Num Nums cafe in Carlton has installed a sandpit and enclosed play area.
Even Lynch's in South Yarra, well known for its no-child policy, is considering letting children in to its soon-to-be-opened bistro area.
Tips to dining with kidsAll those so called "children's meals" at fast food joints - Happy Meal anyone? - are a con job, equally marketed to parents as well as their children. Why would a child eat that junk when they can discover interesting cuisine.
Kylie Hansen
January 06, 2009 12:00am
TIPS to successful dining with kids
Some ideas from Jacqi Deighan, chef, children’s food educator and spokeswoman for the Parents Jury:
YOUR local Thai, Japanese, Greek or Indian are often a good starting point, as they have a wide variety of flavors and tastes to try.
IF the children’s menus is not to your liking, encourage children to order from the main menu. Within reason allow them to choose what they want to try. Avoid saying ‘You won’t like that’ and consider ordering one for everyone to share. Praise them for trying new things.
IF your kids are only used to kids menus try expanding their taste buds a little. Restaurants that offer ‘tasting plates’ are a great way to introduce new foods and flavors. Middle Eastern, Spanish, Turkish and Greek restaurants are good at this.
MAKE sure your kids are hungry but not ravenous as they may try something new but if they are starving they may become irritable and restless.
EAT early, before the restaurant becomes too busy, and leave before boredom sets in.
MAKE it an experience the kids will want to repeat and let them see you eating and enjoying good food.
I was at a food court once and overheard a child asking her mother for some satay sticks at a curry stall. Her mother's reaction was to refuse and take her to McDonald's. I was appalled. Grown ups with no palate for tasty food are depriving their children and responsible for them eating junk.
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Today was a very hot day.
06 January 2009
skedaddle
Michael Quinion in World Wide Words explains the origin of the word and its usage
Even I might start to use it.Run away; scram; leave in a hurry; escape.
This archetypal American expression has led etymologists a pretty dance in trying to work out where it comes from.
What we do know for certain is that it suddenly appears at the beginning of the Civil War. Out of the blue, it became fashionable in 1862, with lots of examples appearing in American newspapers and books. The focus of all the early examples is the War; without doubt it started out as military slang with the meaning of fleeing the battlefield or retreating hurriedly. Its first appearance in print, in the New York Tribune of 10 August 1861, made this clear: “No sooner did the traitors discover their approach than they ‘skiddaddled’, (a phrase the Union boys up here apply to the good use the seceshers make of their legs in time of danger).” However, it quickly moved into civilian circles with the broader sense of leaving in a hurry. It crossed the Atlantic astonishingly quickly, being recorded in the Illustrated London News in 1862 and then being put in the mouth of a young lady character by Anthony Trollope in his novel The Last Chronicle of Barset in 1867: “ ‘Mamma, Major Grantly has — skedaddled.’ ‘Oh, Lily, what a word!’ ”
So far so good. Where it comes from is almost totally obscure. Was it Greek, as John Hotten argued in his Dictionary of Modern Slang in 1874, derived from skedannumi, to “retire tumultuously”, perhaps “set afloat by some Harvard professor”? It sounds plausible, but probably not. The English Dialect Dictionary, compiled at the end of the nineteenth century, argues that it’s from a Scottish or Northern English dialect word meaning to spill or scatter, in particular to spill milk. This may be from Scots skiddle, meaning to splash water about or spill. Jonathon Green, in the Cassell Dictionary of Slang, suggests this transferred to the US through “the image of blood and corpses being thus ‘spilled and scattered’ on the battlefield before the flight of a demoralised army”.
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Today was a warm day.