bring back Bruce

I enjoyed this light-hearted piece in The Age by Cameron Noakes about the lack of football players name Bruce

Bruce discrimination

Cameron Noakes | May 22, 2009

FORMER AFL footballers called Bruce are stunned and angry today after an AFL feasibility study has revealed the name Bruce is no longer feasible. An AFL insider told Mongrel Punter alarm bells had been ringing at headquarters for more than a decade as officials watched the rapid decline of Bruces in the game.

"This is a disgrace," the insider said. "These results are a slap in the face to Bruce Doull, Bruce Nankervis and Bruce Duperouzel - they're even a slap in the face to Bruce Monteath.

"Yes we have Cam Bruce running around, but surnames don't count. We want answers and we want them now. Where have all the Bruces gone?"

Mongrel Punter believes the AFL spent $200,000 on the feasibility study and can reveal that:

* The last Bruce to be recruited by an AFL club was Hando in 1991 (by North Melbourne but he did not play a senior game).

* The last Bruce to play senior football was Lennon (for Richmond, round 22, 1993)

* In round 20, 1992, two Bruces appeared in the same game, Lennon for Richmond and Lindner for Adelaide (the last time this feat was achieved).

* Bruce Lennon is not related to John.

* Doull's record for the most senior matches played by a Bruce (356) will never be beaten.

* Doull's record for the most finals matches played by a Bruce (29) will never be beaten.

* No Bruce has won a Brownlow Medal and never will.

* McAvaney will be the last Bruce to call an AFL/VFL game.

* Melbourne midfielder Cameron Bruce has refused to change his name to Bruce Cameron, despite pressure from the AFL.

* Cameron Bruce has refused to call any of his offspring Bruce Bruce, despite mounting pressure from the AFL.

Speaking exclusively to Mongrel Punter, my Uncle Bruce said: "Bruces around the country are in mourning today. We're absolutely gutted. We want to know why AFL clubs are snubbing us."

A visibly emotional Uncle Bruce said he expected "heads to roll" after the details of the study were released and dubbed the refusal to recruit Bruces as "name-ist".

He also scoffed at suggestions that Bryce was the new Bruce.

The AFL has also denied that Murray, Peter, Percy and Terry had all been put on a critical list.

Even though it is a humorous piece, there is some truth in it.

Popular names at the Brisbane Lions are Joel (x3, Macdonald, Patfull and Tippett) and Daniel (x5, Bradshaw, Merrett, Rich, Dzufer and Murray).

Being named Daniel or Joel may increase the likelihood of being drafted to the club. Being named Bruce would not.